Jaime's Life
In the last episode...
I'll make you funny, Jimmy. I promise you!
But you have to apply the lessons correctly.
And your first lesson is to turn your life on a joke.
Do you understand?
On a f***** joke!
From now on, people have to look at you on the street and start...
What's up, p****head? Do you want a ride?
Of course, Enzo.
Would be great.
Not even paying, you sucker.
In the caravan of love only creamy girls come in.
Ladies... gentlemen... it's an honor to be reunited with you again.
You know the appreciation I have for our city and the commitment I have dedicated to the
construction of a better environment for all.
When I was still like you, citizens, with dreams and needs, I promised myself
that if one day I would occupy the position that I now occupy, I would do everything, I say everything,
to improve the lives of my fellows countrymen.
I know that there is still a lot of work to be done, but I guarantee that, with humility
and perseverance, we will build a better city.
And thus, ladies... gentlemen... I promote this event, on this sunny day,
as a form of retribution for warm and unrestricted support I have received from you.
And no one better to open it than the worshiped professor, doctor, philosopher and friend...
the professor Jean-Pierre.
I am professor Jean-Pierre.
I'll cite 'une poésie': d***, p****, c***.
So brother let's strengthen in total tranquility I'm selling some shit here...
Friend, not today, I'm very late.
All right then you son of a b****!
F****** cuckold!
Guys, listen to this one.
Once I was with my father in the square, and there was an ice cream vendor on the street...
You now became a clown, p****head?
No one wants to hear this bad talk, a**hole.
Oh my god, man! Look at the creamy Kelly!
- Hey, Einstein. - Hey, Jaime, sit down.
Look, Jaime.
Do not get me wrong, man, but why do are you wearing that clown nose?
It's because I'm doing a training, and my teacher said that I need to turn into funny
situations that are not funny.
But the people are commenting...
But I do not give a shit what the people...
Come on, Jaime.
No problem, man, I'm not criticizing you: for me you can use what
you want.
And what training is this?
Ah... I'll explain it to you later, Einstein.
But it's something I want to do...
Okay, I hope it works out for you.
So my friend.
I need to make this change here and needs to be today.
You have to take this sofa, that closet there, the television and the servants.
Smoothly to us, doctor.
Here we are good at service.
In half an hour it's all there in the new house of the Lord.
Great.
I just wanted you to be careful to do not scratch anything, because my wife...
Are you kidding, doctor?
Here is fifteen years of experience.
We have a whole structure here to carry your resources, you can rest easy.
So, the street address is Smoking Kill Thousand, 403.
That's right, doctor.
Easy!
Smoothly to us!
Sorry, mr. Director, I was a little late... and scheduling only one day in advance...
but I could not...
Take it easy, mr. Jair...
Come here, pull up a chair.
It's an honor to have you here in my office.
Your son is one of our best students.
Great, sit down.
Do you want some coffee?
No, mr. Director. Thank you very much.
But then... what do you tell me?
Look...
Mr. Director, I came here to deal with a situation... because I believe you too are uninformed...
It's a question that... something very unpleasant happened, which left Jaime a
little traumatized and I think...
But what was it, mr. Jair?
Come on... tell me.
That way I get until scared.
Look, mr. Director... what happens is that Jaime's history teacher is a...
is a...
is a transvestite!
Look... but who would...
Look, mr. Jair, I think some things need to be clarified...
Because you know that nowadays, mr. Jair... nowadays this expression is no longer used.
He, now, is she!
But... I think that I didn't understand...
She, mr. Jair: He, now, is she!
It would then...
a d***girl?
What an absurd!
Look, mr. Jair... in my fifteen years at this school...
In what world do you live?
But I do not understand, mr. Director...
Non-operated transgender, mr. Jair.
Non-operated transgender!
Look...
Mr. Director... I really... I really don't know what they call it today
But the fact... the fact that moved me here is just that I do not want to... call there the way you want!
But I do not want that a f****** d***girl be teacher of my son!
Look...
Mr. Jair... what I can tell you is that the things just do not work that way.
What's up, dad?
Real Madrid won 6x0 of Alavés and the viewer wants to know what your analysis,
Kaio.
Then surely the fans will go home very happy with this result.
What the fuck, Kaio, for God's sake.
The viewer wants to know of tactical, of differential.
Look: I trained Real Madrid, everybody knows, in the time of Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos...
I taught Zidane how to hit the ball and I had in the middle field... just like Toni Kroos
I had David Berkman.
What did David Berkman do?
On my team, he played the role of pass the ball to the side, he was the
side-ball-passer.
I talkedto him: Berkman, you have to pass the ball to Zidane, because Zidane is the
player who has the quality to give this ball in Ronaldo.
So you're going to get this ball and pass it. to the side.
Of course, I talked to him english, not it was that way.
I was speaking: "Berkman, you have to took the ball" para o lado... to the side.
Once too Figo came to speak to me: Oh Vandeley, I want to understand
why I'm the best in the world and I'm eating the bench?
I told him: you're eating the bench, Figo, because Julio Baptista is a f****** God.
Because to play on my team, Figo, it is not enough to be the best in the world, one have to know
play soccer.
Julio Baptista plays center midfielder and center-forward, he performs two different
functions within the field.
And you don't have the same quality.
Make a comment there, Kaio, damn it!
Give your opinion!
The Real Madrid team has a lot of quality. The question is: Will the Sevilla team
be difficult?
Go f*** yourself, Kaio!
The viewer wants to understand if the three-line works or does not work.
Whether the centre-back will play advanced or in contention.
It's not to speak these shit, because to say it, it's better not to say anything.
Because the team that plays with three forwarders has the advantage of verticalizing the transition.
And it is no longer a question of difficulty, it is a question to win the three points, it is a question of
project, it is a question of differential.
Meanwhile, in the office...
Apparently the lesson did not work very well, isn't, Jimmy?
No...
But you're pretty dumb, Jimmy.
Get that clown nose out.
Did you ever see me walking around with a clown nose?
Look, forget that shit, I'll teach you how to be funny: go there and climb on the
stage. - Like this?
That is. Exactly!
Now you're going to get this milk box on your side, pretend you're selling to
me, and will do it in a funny way.
Would you like to buy a milk box?
F****** hell, Jimmy!
This was the most boring sentence I've ever heard in my life!
Even the lid of my shitter would make a better joke!
Look, I'll teach you, repeat the following: Tit's Milk, always tastier than
Ball's Milk.
Tit's Milk, always tastier than Ball's Milk.
What is it?
This is part of our structure, Jimmy, to simulate a real show.
With this you feel like on a stage.
Every time you make a good joke, it's this sound that you will hear on any stage
of the world.
Let's go again.
Repeat the following: Tit's Milk, the one you drink without hearing the cow complaining of pain.
Tit's Milk, the one you drink without hearing the cow complaining of pain.
That's it, Jimmy, damn it!
F***!
Your d*** is f****** getting bigger, young man.
Now you are ready for next lesson, Jimmy.
And this lesson is fundamental for any comedian.
Every comedian needs to have funny friends, needs to be around funny people.
No one has ever made a joke by being friend of a digger, do you understand, Jimmy?
Yes, I am, Master Zula.
So your next lesson, my young man, is get close to funny people.
Record well what I'm telling you, and next class we'll talk
Deal?
Yes, Master Zula.
I even know who I'm going to approach.
And you have any questions?
Yes.
I did not understand these milk box jokes...
Of course you did not understand, Jimmy, of course you did not understand f****** s***.
This is advanced joke, young man, professional joke.
Stay focused, applying the lessons, and then you will learn
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