WELCOME BACK.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WHO CAN LIST
DAILY SHOW CORRESPONDENT AND FOX NEWS HOST ON THEIR RESUME.
PLEASE WELCOME TOM SHILUE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: HEY MAN, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
NOW LET ME-- LET US EXPLAIN TO THE PEOPLE HERE WHAT I MEAN BY
THAT, IS THAT YOU AND I ARE IN A VERY ELITE GROUP.
WE WORKED FOR THE DAILY SHOW BEFORE SWRON STEWART.
>> THE DAILY SHOW.
>> Stephen: IT WAS JUST CALLED THE DAILY SHOW.
>> WITH CRAIG KILL BORNE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THAT.
>> HEARD OF IT?
PLAWS PLAWSES.
>> Stephen: NOW THERE ARE NO-- I DON'T BELIEVE THERE ARE
ANY EXISTING TAPES OF THAT SHOW.
WE ACTUALLY TRIED TO GET THEM AND THERE IS NOTHING.
>> I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: THEY GROUND UP THOSE OLD TAPES AND USED THEM TO
FILL IN LIKE CHILDREN'S PLAYGROUNDS OR SOMETHING LIKE
THAT.
>> YEAH.
BUT YOU, I USED TO LEARN FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE THE NEW
GUY, REMEMBER THEY CALLED YOU THE NEW GUY.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT WAS BRIAN YOU THINKER, A WHITNEY BROWN AND
THEN I WAS THE NEW GUY.
>> BUT I LEARNED FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU HAD A WAY OF
INTERVIEWING PEOPLE.
YOU WOULD GAIN THEIR TRUST, SO WELL.
I MEAN AND THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED YOU.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> BUT YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHY, BECAUSE THEY SHUNTD TRUST ANYONE
IN THE PRESS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT GETTING YOUR STORY, YOU
KNOW.
AND THE PRESS JUST LACKS-- THE PRESS LATCHES ON TO YOU LIKE A
RAY AND SUCKS AND SUCKS AND SUCK UNTIL YOUR SOUL IS DRY AS A
CROUTON.
THEY HAVE TO, THEY HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TELL THE STORY.
>> THEY KNEW, THEY KNEW THEY WERE GOING TO BE MADE FUN OF.
BUT THEIR DESIRE TO BE ON TV ALWAYS TRUMPED THEIR DESIRE NOT
TO LOOK LIKE A JERK, YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: RIGHT, WELL THE CAMERA LOBOTOMIZES ANYTHING IT
POINTS AT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IN MY OPINION.
SO WE BOTH STARTED AT THE DAILY SHOW.
I'M HERE, YOU WENT TO FOX NEWS.
WE'RE LIKE THE BIZARRO TWINS.
>> YES IN ITS EARLY DAYS.
>> LIKE WE'RE SUPER HEROES, WAIT WHO IS THE EF-- EVIL ONE.
AM I THE EVIL ONE?
>> Stephen: I'M INCAPABLE OF TBROAING A GOATEE, SO I DON'T
KNOW.
YOU ARE NOT THE EVIL ONE BUT THE CONSERVATIVE ONE.
>> MORE THAN YOU, I THINK.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY IN MOST WAYS N MOST WAYS.
I'M NOT SURE IF I WOULD LIKE-- IF MY WORK WOULD PLAY ON
FOX NEWS.
DID YOU ENJOY.
LIKE YOU DID RED EYE, WAS THAT HARD TO DO COMEDY ON LIKE ONE TO
4:00 MT MORNING ON FOX NEWS.
>> IT WAS GREAT T WAS HORSING AROUND.
I DIDN'T REALLY DO SAT IRE, WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE NEWS AND TRY
TO LAUGH ABOUT IT.
IT WAS ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BAR CONVERSATION.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET TO DRINK.
>> NO, WE DIDN'T GET TO DRINK.
>> Stephen: THAT MAKES BAR CONVERSATION MUCH MORE
INTERESTING.
>> I KNOW.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A BOOK NOW, IT IS CALLED MEAN DADS FOR
A BETTER AMERICA, THE GENEROUS REWARDS OF AN OLD-FASHIONED
CHILDHOOD.
OKAY.
SO WHAT KIND OF CHILDHOOD DID YOU HAVE?
>> TRADITIONAL, CATHOLIC, NORTHEAST CATHOLIC.
>> Stephen: OH, SAME THING AS MICHAEL DOUGLAS KEATON.
EARLIER.
SO-- HOW MANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
>> THERE ARE FIVE OF US.
>> Stephen: THAT'S HEALTHY.
>> A BROTHER, THREE SISTERS.
I WAS THE FOURTH OF FIVE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND SO IT WAS A GREAT-- GROWING UP, WE WERE
SCARED.
WITH HE WERE SCARED, THAT IS WHY I SAY MEAN DAD, TONGUE IN CHEEK
BECAUSE ME AND MY BROTHER, WE WERE AFRAID OF THE MAN.
HE WOULD WAKE US UP WITH HIS BREATHING.
SATURDAY MORNING HE WHAT WAKE US UP-- .
>> Stephen: HE WOULD CROUCH OVER YOU AND BREATHE.
>> HE WOULD JUST BREATHE, YES, HE HAD THIS BREATHE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS LIKE WHAT A WOLF DOES.
MY DAD USED TO GO DOWN THE HALL BANGING THE DOORS OPEN AND SAY
GET UP, GET UP, THE WORLD'S WAITING FOR YOU WITH A CLUB.
>> SEE WHAT I MEAN.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> BUT WE TURNED OUT OKAY, THAT'S WHAT I AM SAYING, IT
WORKED OUT.
>> Stephen: TIME WILL TELL, TIME WILL TELL.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS OF YOUR OWN.
>> YES, I HAVE TWO DAUGHTERS.
>> Stephen: AND YOU ARE LOVINGLY MEAN TO THEM.
>> I AM, I'M TRYING TO BE A MEAN DAD.
BUT IT'S HARD.
IT IS HARD TO BE IT A MEAN DAD.
>> Stephen: LOVE GETS IN THE WAY OF MEANNESS, DAMMITY.
>> IT DOES.
I TRY TO BRING A LITTLE OF MY DAD.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE HIM.
>> Stephen: IS HE STILL WITH US.
>> HE IS STILL WITH US.
HE IS IN THE DESERT, HE IS PROBABLY WATCHING US NOW.
>> Stephen: HE SOUNDS LIKE A PROPHET.
>> HE WOULD LIKE THAT DESCRIPTION.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
>> >> Stephen: OKAY SO HOW HAVE
YOU DONE THE MEAN DAD STUFF.
>> I'M TRYING TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE LIKE MY DAD.
LIKE I SAY, HE WAS LIKE DARTH VAID WE ARE A BOSTON ACCENT.
I'M THE WORK IT OUT DAD.
LIKE WHEN MY KIDS, WE HAD TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT.
WE WERE STRICT, WE HAD STRICT DISCIPLINARY-- DISCIPLINE ARIAN
PARENTS BUT MOST OF OUR TIME WAS OUTSIDE PLAYING WITH KIDS.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD TO GO OUTSIDE.
>> YES, SO I WANT MY KIDS TO WORK IT OUT.
THEY COME CRYING TO MEERKS SO AND SO PICKED ON ME, I SAID GO
WORK IT OUT, THAT IS WHAT MY PARNS DID.
MY MOM WOULD SAY HIT HIM BACK.
THERE WAS A BULLY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SHE SAID SO PUDGE
HIM BACK SO I PUNCHED HIM BACK.
>> Stephen: DID THAT WORK?
>> NO, HE BEAT ME UP BUT I THINK I FELT GOOD ABOUT IT, I STOOD UP
FOR MYSELF.
>> Stephen: SURE, VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER.
>> WELL, SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT MOMMY USUALLY TELL THEIR SONS.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BOOK, IT IS CALLED MEAN DADS FOR A BETTER
AMERICA.
IT'S AVAILABLE NOW.
THE MAN IS TOM SHILUE EVERYBODY, FROM THE DAILY SHOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
Dad and Son: We just finished dinner and it was time for homework.
He hates [I hate] homework.
Son: It makes no sense.
Dad: I don't know how he finds anything in his backpack.
Son: I can't find my backpack.
Dad: I couldn't even read his handwriting.
Son: Holding the pencil makes my hand hurt.
Dad: I know he's bright.
Son: Why is it so hard for me?
Dad: He's just got to try a little harder.
Son: I'm trying as hard as I can.
Narrator: When you can see learning and attention issues
from their side, you can be on their side.
Go to Understood.org, a free online resource
with support and tools to help your child thrive.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW, TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN
MY GUEST WILL BE ERIC STONE STREETD, JOHN McENROE AND
LILLIE MAE.
NOW STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN WITH JANE FONDA LILY
TOMLIN AND TAYLOR SCHILLING.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ARE YOU READY Y'ALL TO HAVE SOME FUN
♪ FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT DON'T YOU WORRY
♪ WHERE IT IS YOU COME FROM IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT
♪ IT'S THE LATE, LATE SHOW >> Reggie: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
ALL THE WAY FROM (UNINTELLIGIBLE), GIVE IT UP FOR
YOUR HOST, THE ONE, THE ONLY JAMES CORDEN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> James: HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO THIS, THE "LATE,
LATE SHOW."
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
WE APPRECIATE IT VERY, VERY MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE HAVE A FUN SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, YOU'RE GOING TO BE GLAD YOU STAYED AWAKE FOR US.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
THANKS, GUYS.
FIRST UP LET'S TALK ABOUT THE NEWS.
F.B.I. DIRECTOR JAMES COMEY TESTIFIED IN FRONT OF CONGRESS
TODAY, AND WHEN ASKED IF HE THOUGHT HIS INTERFERENCE SWAYED
THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, COMEY SAID THE IDEA MAKES HIM MILDLY
NAUSEOUS.
( LAUGHTER ) MILDLY NAUSEOUS?
( LAUGHTER ) MILD?
MILDLY NAUSEOUS IS HOW YOU FEEL TWO HOURS AFTER EATING ROOM
TEMPERATURE FISH.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S NOT HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU
HELPED DRIVE THE COUNTRY OVER A CLIFF.
OH, AND BY THE WAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, MILD NAUSEA IS NOT COVERED
BY TRUMP'S NEW HEALTH PLAN.
( LAUGHTER ) IN OTHER NEWS, THE WHITE HOUSE
PRESS CORPS WAS PRETTY DISAPPOINTED WHEN SEAN SPICER
ABRUPTLY ENDED A PRESS CONFERENCE YESTERDAY WITHOUT
EVEN ANSWERING ONE QUESTION.
HOW DISAPPOINTED WERE THEY?
TAKE A LOOK, THIS IS REAL.
>> WOULD YOU EMAIL WHERE THAT IS EXACTLY SO WE CAN IDENTIFY
LOCATIONS?
APPRECIATE IT.
HEY, SEAN!
>> SEAN, SEAN, HEY SEAN.
>> SEAN!
SEAN!
>> James: SEAN!
SEAN!
SEAN!
( LAUGHTER ) OH, SEAN, COME ON!
SEAN!
ARE THOSE REPORTERS REALLY THAT DISAPPOINTED THAT SEAN SPICER
WOULDN'T ANSWER QUESTIONS?
THIS IS SEAN SPICER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
IT IS NOT LIKE HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN THE CORRECT ANSWERS.
( LAUGHTER ) I MEAN, I GUESS SPICER IS ACTING
PRETTY CHILDISH HERE.
HE IS LIKE A KID ON THE PLAYGROUND.
HE'S LIKE, "I'M GOING TO TAKE MY WALL AND GO HOME."
( LAUGHTER ) IN OTHER TRUMP ADMINISTRATION
NEWS, I DON'T HE KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS, IVANKA TRUMP'S NEW BOOK
TITLED "WOMEN WHO WORK" WAS JUST RELEASED YESTERDAY, AND IT'S
ALREADY RECEIVING A SLEW OF BAD REVIEWS.
IT'S BEING CRITICIZED AS A VAPID COLLECTION OF INSPIRATIONAL
QUOTES, BUT IVANKA SAID SHE'S NOT GOING TO LET IT AFFECT HER,
SHE'S JUST GOING TO SING LIKE NOBODY'S LISTENING, DANCE LIKE
NOBODY'S WATCHING AND LOVE LIKE SHE'S NEVER BEEN HURT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IVANKA TRUMP'S NEW BOOK IS TITLED "WOMEN WHO WORK."
MEANWHILE, HER BROTHER JUNIOR'S BOOK IS CALLED "MEN WHO SIT ON
STUMPS."
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