Waching daily Mar 3 2018

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another video hosted by the only reason you're subscribed

to this channel. Today we're gonna be getting' down and dirty in the digital space that is…

TINDER! I'm going to be setting up a new profile

and showing you guys how I woo the ladies with this wonderful piece of technology. In

fact, any guy who doesn't have Tinder is just a-

Really, Crash? You have to resort to Tinder to find yourself a girl? Why can't you just

be a handsome, charismatic charmer like yours truly?

Listen here, you egg. Take that back!

I mean I don't ACTUALLY use Tinder… I was just pretending for the video, you know,

to make it more relatable or whatever … This is the first time I'm ever testing it out,

I promise… Ha. Hey, why do I have to wear this? I don't

think it's my style… NO STOP, OUR AUDIENCE WILL BE FURIOUS!

Anyway, it's clear to see that traditional dating, chivalry, courtly-love etc. is out

the fucking window. We now live in a time where we pick our partners based on nothing

more than a photograph. Can you guys think of anything more vain than that? I sure as

hell can't.

Okay, first thing's first: We need a profile picture. If you're ugly, then you might

need to add a couple different images to try and convince your prey that you're a "good

guy deep down" – but for me, one will be more than enough.

Another tip for you ugly motherfuckers out there: Make your main image (the one that

shows up whilst swiping) a group photo with your much-more-attractive friends. This will

cause confusion and lead the user to look into your profile more than they definitely

would have otherwise. See? I got your back Culture. Your profile picture needs to show

off your best features. Your eyes, your smile, your personality, your charm… your tits.

For me, I think a nice piece of fan-art will do the trick. They always make me look beautiful.

We're just going to sort through all of these until we find something accurate…

realistic… and… lustful. Yeah, that'll do it.

Okay, now what you're about to see is… something I'm not going to be proud of.

I'm going to use Tinder like a thirsty fuckboy who's sexually craving anything with a heartbeat.

Let's do this.

Now… We wait. Mwahahahaaaa "Oof, no wonder you have trouble with the

ladies."

Also let me just say before we dive into this… I have no fucking idea why so many guys matched

with me… I included both men AND women in my preferences just to make it interesting

(And to keep my sexuality as ambiguous as possible for you perverts). Women were definitely

involved in the process somewhere, trust me… I like women. *sobbing sounds*

Matthew, 24. I can't sleep, I can't eat, but I've

got the cleanest house on the street. Hmm… You're not giving it the hard sell,

are you buddy? Hard sell is my middle name. What's happening

with you? Beary, 59.

… Beary? Now that's a badass name. It's Beary nice

to meet you. I can't Beary puns either to be honest…

When we get married, can we have a bear be the ring Beary-er? Oh my god how coot.

Alex, 49. Woah, this guy looks weathly…

Well good morning, sailor.

Adam, 20. Hey, at least this guy is closer to my age…

Let's look at his bio. "Yeah, I'm DTF… Down. To. Fracking respect

women" ………. Uh, okay, a little out-dated, but a meme is a meme, top job???

"My anthem: Ain't Got Rhythm"… Okay, good save. I'm intrigued. In a non-gay way

of course. Ahem. If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable,

boy. … God I wish that were me… Listen up BUB!

Crash ain't better than Smash! ANGRY REACTS ONLY! Five paragraph essay why here.

Uh, it's "a n g e r y", honey. okay, how about this?

Are you a turkey? Because all I want to do is gobble-gobble!

Come on, it wasn't THAT bad! Fine, if you want to be like that, then I

won't show you his reply. We'll come back to this guy later.

Luciano, 32. Hmm, "Insert a thoughtful message below,

huh?" What… them… legs do?

FUCK!

Connor, 23. Ohhh, only 8 kilometres away from me, huh?

You're so close to where I am that I could tap you on the shoulder using just the length

of my weeny. WHY.

I can't remember this guys name. Or age. Hey, cowboy. Gobble.

SHIT WRONG EMOJI. ABORT!

Nathan, 23. "Just looking to see what's around"…?

Okay then. What… them… legs do?

FUCK!!

P-please mum, I didn't m-m-mean it I swear. "PROFUSE SWEATING INTENSIFIES!" But considering

turkeys live on a diet consisting mainly of seeds and grass, are you implying you're

one of them HECKIN (please excuse my foul language) vegans I keep hearin' aboot? Really

gets the old noggin' joggin' for sure. Frick vegans dude, malnourished and shit

Did you just say the F word? In MY Christian Tinder chat server?! BEGONE, THOT!

I'm finna get right down to the point: do you like thick cartoon characters with a limited

colour scheme, luscious bangs and a flamboyant personality? I'm your dude.

… Also I have a thing for Gandhi but we won't talk about that.

And, once again, we will return to this chat shortly after a few other short interactions.

Cordell, 23. Hey James Cordell, you're a fucking spitting

image of someone I know… Named Crash.

BOOM! COMEDY GOLD! I'M A SEX ICON!

Chris, 20. Hey sexy.

Shit, your profile picture is misleading, I thought you were the oversized lady from

the Toyota commercials that aired in the mid 2000's.

Uhh, I don't even know what that is… but sorry to disappoint. I find you very attractive

if that counts. *gasps*

Well don't you just know how to make a low res computer image temporarily generate dual

ovals of orange hues simulating warmth and appreciation.

Haha. A simulation of warmth is all I need. As we are basically living in a simulation

ran by lizard overlords anyway. Meh. Fuck, just marry me.

Eddie, 19. Oh my. Barely legal, this one.

Cute dog, can I have it? I love demons. You can't have it just yet. She's my demon

for now. Am I talking to a cartoon character or am I just going mad?

I am a real boy, cartoon characters aren't real, don't be silly.

… Unless you want me to be a cartoon character… … Baby.

Sandra, 19. FINALLY, A FEMALE!

I mean, seeing an actual photo of you boy would be LIBERATING! However all of those

criteria I do in fact meet, especially those who are: Shit, I knew I should have updated

my emojis before I did this. "Real"… Photo? WHAT THE FLAP DO YOU

MEAN "REAL" PHOTO, PUNK?! I THOUGHT WE HAD A LIL SOMETHIN' GOIN' HERE, I THOUGH

THAT THIS COULD BE THE START. OF SOMETHING NEW. IT FEELS SO RIGHT. TO BE HERE WITH YOU.

Maybe my papi was right. Maybe I wasn't built for love… Maybe I'm destined to

fade further into irrelevance until there are no pixels left to be viewed…

Also, when I get an erection-

Alright, that is PLENTY enough of that. Bit of a sausage-fest if you ask me.

Now, just to make my head a LITTLE bit bigger… A little bit bigger, just a little bit bigger.

My head's not big… Don't say it is. I'm going to show you what happens when

you have an account… as an ugly person. Shit, LOOK AWAY NOW CHILDREN-

At this rate, you might as well audition for one of those tacky dating shows.

Ugh, you know what?! No, don't! No no no, AAAAH!

A massive thank you goes out to TimTom for being awesome enough to get involved with

the episode! His links are in the description below, and I highly recommend you go and watch

his stuff if you haven't yet! Crash out!