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PLOT HOLES: JURASSIC WORLD 2
Finally came the day. Today I am going to talk about Jurassic World 2: The Fallen Kingdom. I do not know about you but I enjoyed it; to me anything where dinosaurs come out eating people and I'm cool.
The direction of Bayona seems to me fuckin cool. It has several scenes that are the best of the saga, the CGI has improved a lot and I also applaud that they have dared to leave the island to lead the saga to new territories.
However, the result is not perfect. It looks like a transition film that seeks to unite three elements: from the island they want to pass dinosaurs loose around the world and also used as weapons.
The script is quite clumsy, it seems written in a hurry. His characters are stereotyped to the extreme and the story is not free of a few holes in the host. Let us begin.
THE MOSASAUR
The film begins with a gate opening and a mini-submarine entering the former Mosasaur area. What the fuck?
But if in the first film there was no gate that connected the lake with the ocean. Where the fuck does it come from? Look at the map of the park.
It's just a lake in the center of the island. And look at one of the general shots of the first movie. Neither, nor trace of an exit to the sea.
Besides, who would think to put a hatch that connected the enclosure of that monster directly with the sea?
What would they do, take the Mosasaur out for a walk? We started the motherfucker analysis.
Those of the submarine go for a sample of the DNA of the Indominus Rex, dead at the bottom of the lake with the bones quite well placed, as if it had not been devoured by the fucking aquatic reptile.
The guys comment that there is no need to be afraid because the fearsome Mosasaur can not stay alive, since it has been some time since the incident and he had nothing to eat there. But then ... zasca.
It turns out that the bastard is alive and attacks them. Okay ... how the fuck is he alive? What have you eaten during so many months of captivity?
Another guy is on the island hacking systems to open and close the doors. The notes are alone, which is dangerous knowing the amount of carnivorous and dangerous dinosaurs that have to be released on the island.
Sure, some guys are signaling you from the helicopter tremendously upset and you: "I do not listen. I guess it will not be very important. "
And of course, the rex arrives and is about to become his dinner. In the end it is eaten by the Mosasaur who escapes through the gate that did not exist.
And it is that if it served for something well then, okay, but the little animal does not appear until the final fucking in a scene that could have taken it away and nothing would happen.
THE VOLCANO
In the news they report that the Sibo volcano of Nublar Island is going to erupt killing the last living dinosaurs on the planet.
Of course, building a theme park on the slopes of a volcano, even though it is inactive, sends balls, but apart from that, anyone would ask:
And Sorna Island? There was another island with dinosaurs, Zone B. Why do not you mention it?
Okay, it's true that before the premiere of this movie they took information from some web pages that clarified this hole.
They said that in 1999 Hammond had died and Masrani Global was dedicated to experimenting with new illegal species, as would be the case of Spinosaurio.
But this super predator altered the balance of Zone B and between it and some rare disease ended their ecosystem. The few Sorna dinosaurs that survived were moved to the Jurassic World and end park.
Come on, now there's nothing left there. But why not tell it in the movie? You only need 30 seconds, what else does it give you? Imagine that someone sees this movie in 50 years.
Why would that person have to look up information on a web page to answer their questions? Transmedia fucking, always playing the balls.
Claire Dearing, who is now a super lover of dinosaurs, wants to save them. She has a foundation and John Hammond's former partner, Benjamin Lockwood, decides to help her rescue the bugs on the island.
His assistant Elis Mills explains that the idea is to move them to a very nice sanctuary where they can live in peace in a Jubilee plan. It comes to be like the Jurassic Imserso.
The problem is that catching Blue, the last raptor, looks fucked up. Convince Claire to hire Owen Grady and have him take it back.
The next day Claire, Owen, Zia and Franklin take the plane to the island and when they arrive they see that it is full of mercenaries.
These are set to capture random dinosaurs, and meanwhile our protagonists and the head of the mercenaries, Wheatley, are dedicated to find the famous blue velociraptor.
However, they are betrayed by this guy, and Owen ends up sedated in the middle of the forest, while Claire and Franklin are locked inside a bunker.
They do not know how to get out, and suddenly ... COOOÑO.
A Baryonyx arrives that must have the skin of cement because it falls lava to him in the head and as if nothing ... and a little while later they discover that fuck, there is a staircase that leads to an exit.
Claire, fuck, you worked there. Have not you ever seen that fucking emergency staircase?
And when they come out they lock the bug with the lava so that it dies slowly. What a shit from the Dinosaur Protection Group! They killed more than the mercenaries.
All meet and end up fleeing the eruption in the middle of a huge stampede of dinosaurs.
They find an abandoned gyrosphere in a field that faces a cliff. How did you get there if they were all in the enclosures? No fucking idea, what does it matter?
Enter Claire and Franklin, but Owen's idiot stands still when he sees a Carnotauro on the other side and does not enter.
Fuck, get safe! He could have entered perfectly, but nothing, he prefers to wait and see what happens. And it happens that he closes the door we do not know how and he has to run like a bastard.
Oh, and suddenly the Tyrannosaurus is loaded to the Carnotauro without coming to mind, in the middle of the fucking eruption, and after that it is pirated. What the fuck? And it does not end there.
We already know that this is the only tyrannosaur in the park, and when it flees it is next to the eruption.
However, minutes later, when the protos have managed to fall into the water, leave the gyrosphere and reach the beach, they see a helicopter carrying it.
How have they managed to capture it so fucking fast and also so close to the place of the eruption? And to that Baryonyx how they have taken it without sedating him?
And the same with the Rex, which continues to roar. How they have uploaded the truck to that Stegosaurio with everything that weighs? And they have there, they shoot at Blue without tying or anything, fuck what eggs.
Of course the logistics of this hunt is worthy of the best magician in Chinatown.
TRANSFER
Now comes the craziest of all. The volcano continues to explode and the protas take a truck with the intention of getting inside the ferry.
A ferry full of mercenaries who minutes before tried to kill them. But are these people right in the head?
In the end they get it and Claire, just putting on a hat is no longer recognized by anyone. It's like Clark Kent's glasses. And see that there are mercenaries on the ship that nobody repairs in it.
And how many dinosaurs are supposed to have been captured? For the data of the film it is assumed that around 30 and 11 different species. Do they all fit on the ship?
Fuck, some are very big. And where are the helicopters that were before?
They have disappeared. Have they transported a dino with them to land? I doubt it very much, but from somewhere they have had to leave, and on the deck of the ship they are not. What has happened to them?
As the velociraptor is wounded, Zia asks the protas to look for compatible sauric blood to transfuse him.
He tells them that it has to be the blood of a carnivorous dinosaur of the same style, as for example ... of Tyrannosaurus. Because they are superparecidos.
Pay attention to Zia that she knows. She is paleo-veterinary, but she has not seen a dinosaur in her life until that day, but that does not matter.
Let's see, on the ship there were Baryonyx, Carnotauros or Alosaurs, why not use those that are smaller? No, better the Tyrannosaurus. That by the way, when he wakes up he goes crazy and screams that he hits.
Do not any of the mercenaries come over to keep an eye out to see if there is no one using the rex as a rodeo bull? As for example to those who close the door. And save the raptor is also objective of Wheatley.
Why does not Zia ask the mercenaries to get that blood? So Owen and Claire would not have risked their lives.
And from the island, which is near Costa Rica to California, they arrive by boat in a matter of hours. Do not fuck with me, if the ship is slower than the host.
And when they arrive, Owen and Claire get on the first truck that they catch and they lead it posing as mercenaries to see where they take the dinosaurs. Host, how easy?
What's wrong, that just that truck was not assigned to anyone? Does nobody organize or check the output of the trucks? Finally, on the way they discover where they are going: to the mansion of the traveler.
THE AUCTION OF DINOSAURS
While the ferry is heading to California, Maisie, the granddaughter of Lockwood, discovers that Mills is working in the basement labs on secret projects that turn dinosaurs into weapons. And not only that.
It is also moving all the captured dinosaurs to auction them right there in the mansion. What the fuck?
Are you conspiring behind the back of your boss and owner of the farm, who sleeps on the top floor, and do you have the cojonazos to organize a whole fucking show with several species of dinosaurs and dozens of dealers and bad people next?
But look how many cars arrive. And this in view of the granddaughter. Go singing.
Fuck, was not it easier to find another place a little more secluded? How has Mills been able to mount all this infrastructure with cages that go up and down in secret from everyone?
The old man never goes down to the basement anymore? And how do the mallets think these take the dinosaurs home? Have they brought their trucks?
Have you adapted the garden of your home to prepare them? If you do not know what dinosaurs are there or what they are going to buy, do not screw me. And above all ... host how cheap it is to buy a dinosaur.
When the vegetable finds out everything makes the stupidest decision I've seen in a character in a long time. He tells Mills to go to his room, that he wants to talk to him very seriously.
Both are alone and Lockwood tells him that he knows everything and that he calls the police himself and surrenders. But what the fuck are you telling me? Mills loads it, normal. What else did the old man think was going to happen?
But let's go back to the plot of Owen and Claire. In the end they are caught, it's about time. They have tried to kill them before but now they decide not to kill them, and they lock them in a cage they had free to wait ... what do I know?
Of course, thanks to a Stygimoloch they manage to escape. Fuck, go walls and fucking cells, it looks like they're made of chichiclás.
If a dinosaur that has a hard skull but is not very massive can escape so easily, the Rex or the Triceratops should already be setting up a party in the hallway.
And of course, when all this happens, no alarm sounds or we see no mercenary watching. It is incompetence in its purest form.
THE INDORAPTOR
Mills and Dr. Wu have developed a new mutant dinosaur: the Indoraptor. When they present it in society during the auction, they teach the public that with a laser rifle you can easily end up with targets.
You aim the laser and then press a button that emits a sound that gives the dinosaur the signal to attack. It is completely absurd! If you're aiming at your target with a laser rifle, you shoot him a point.
And okay, let's say you throw the Indoraptor. And then what? How are you supposed to take him back to his cage? He eats you, wafer, he eats you.
And is that if you want to kill someone with him you have to transport the fucking dinosaur in a cage there. As I say, he has neither head nor tail. Okay it was a prototype but ... do not sell it for what it is not, bastard.
Thanks to Wheatley's fool the Indoraptor escapes and begins to cause chaos in the mansion. Mills meets by chance with Owen, Claire and Maisie, and could have shot them directly,
but he starts to chat with them and tells them that the girl is a clone, and that's why Lockwood and Hammond stopped talking.
But that fact would have taken place before the first park ... about 30 years ago, and the girl, obviously, is not that old. Well, there were other attempts of clones before her, you know.
And maybe together with raptor DNA ... I would molar an egg. But this spin really does not have any real relevance in the plot right now. Maybe they'll leave it for the next movie, but of course here we do not care much.
Meanwhile, Zia and Franklin escape from the lab thanks to Blue, but some shots create an escape of hydrogen cyanide. The dinosaur is able to smell the gas, identify it and know that everything will explode.
That's because he has DNA from Albert Einstein himself.
Blue is saved, but if Zia and Franklin do not do anything the whole basement will be filled with toxic gas and the dinosaurs trapped there will die.
The impersonator pursues the protagonists. This part of the movie I love, but I do not understand why the dinosaur is chasing the girl all over the mansion instead of just running through the woods.
Maisie flees in terror to her room and decides that the best place to hide is under the sheets of her bed.
The girl was presented as intelligent and she spends the day hiding and giving scares. Did you really not think of a better place to hide?
And when the indoraptor is about to eat it, the deus ex machina 1 arrives, because Owen bursts into his room without knowing the house or having a fucking clue where the little girl is;
and then comes a deus ex machina 2, with Blue as the protagonist, who also does not know how he got from the basement to the top floor. He must be so smart that he already knows how to handle the elevator.
And then Claire, armed with the laser rifle, also appears by magic, and decides to point it at Owen so that the monster can attack him.
Why not point to the glass? Okay, the guy was going to move away, but the girl was still behind him, fuck, a little bit of care.
But fortunately deus ex machina 2 arrives again and saves the day, definitively charging the Indoraptor.
THE WORLD IN DANGER?
In the last section of the film we see how the poor dinosauritos are drowning because of the toxic gas. Claire opens all the cages and the dinosaurs are free in the corridor.
They will be very hungry, but the carnivores do not attack any herbivores, it's funny. They will be scared. The poor would be in the plan "K pussy this susediendo?".
In the end Claire can not press the button to let them free because otherwise they could ride a very good one in any nearby town.
However, the clone girl goes and presses it, letting all the dinosaurs that were in captivity escape. Zia and Franklin what the fuck they were doing in the meantime, watch the fucking girl, fuck.
"I had to do it, they're alive like me," says the bitch.
Yeah, but you can not bust the people you cross with horns. People are going to die because of him, but well, no one seems to notice it.
But hey, are these dinosaurs really a danger to the world in general? Yes, they can cause some chaos in a localized way,
but I doubt very much that not more than 30 dinosaurs are going to put in check our existence, as it had been speaking in front of a third delivery and as Ian Malcolm said in the end.
In addition many of them have no partner and will not be able to reproduce, as is the case of the Tyrannosaurus, the Mosasaur or Velociraptor, the kings of the saga.
The only thing that the few buyers who have managed to escape with their dinosaurs start cloning brazenly, but that is something that power could have happened since the first delivery, and they do not have DNA from those dinosaurs in particular.
We must also remember that all dinosaurs have an implanted tracer. It would not be too difficult to capture them just as the mercenaries did in record time before the eruption.
Anyway, what will happen in the last delivery? How will dinosaurs dominate the world?
Well, wait 4 years to find out. Time to spare to make a decent script.
The Youtube algorithm screwed up the video, and as you can see, I've uploaded it again, so since I'm here, I'm going to respond to some comments from the original video.
On the subject of the Transfusion there were people saying that yes it would be possible. They justified it by saying that the Rex shares some common ancestor with the family of the raptors, both being of the suborder of the coelurosaurs.
For example, the Carnotauro or the Alosaurio do not have that family in common. I did not know and it's a curiosity that is cool to meet.
But let's see, we are talking about dinosaurs with millions of years of separate evolutions ... that transfusion would be like making a transfusion between a human being and a chimpanzee.
We share 98% of the DNA, yes, but we all know that it will not work. I am positive O and while I can donate to everyone, I can only get another blood OR positive or negative, if I do not die.
The same is that I have to try Coelurosaurus blood to see, which seems compatible with everything.
Finally, also many, but many, commented that in the first film they explained that with the DNA of a frog the dinosaurs could change sex and reproduce without the need of a partner. Wtf?
No, dinosaurs do not reproduce by mitosis or shit like that. In the original Jurassic Park they created all the female dinosaurs to avoid reproduction and control the population.
The problem is that the frog DNA caused some specimens to become male; and females and males procreated. As simple as that.
But it is assumed that in Jurassic World they have learned and that should not happen anymore, in theory. And as Colin Trevorrow said a few days ago, in Jurassic World 3 we will not have the dinos eating people on the streets of big cities. Fuck, I'm going to cry.
Give it a thumbs up if you want the dinosaurs to eat people on the street and subscribe so you do not miss new chorra analysis of the movies that are coming out.
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