I'm trying to get Kat...
OK, so to give a context, we're leaving the top of the mountain party in Aspen.
This is actually our lives.
This is...
OK.
And it's a gondola.
It's like a 25 minute gondola ride.
It's about to get ooky spooky Hallowooky up in here.
And I'm trying to convince Katya to smoke in the gondola.
I don't think that there are...
Who would know?
There's not a smoke detector.
Well, is there?
That's not a smoke detector, okay?
There's no upholstery - it's not gonna hold the scent.
Judith, I can't find a smoke detector...
I mean of course it will fill with smoke and then I will be hotboxed.
Here we goooooo down the mountain when she comes.
I was having so much anxiety coming up.
I know, and we don't have any light now.
You can turn your light on in your phone.
Can I sit on that side so we can both be in the frame?
Sure.
So for everybody following at home, rigga morris.
It goes cackity cack cack...
That's right.
Why are you being...
Gondola realness.
Category is...
It looks like you're wearing a Golden Girls wig.
Ma, please!
Oh my God.
It's so much easier this time around.
Where were you on the night of...
Oh my gosh, should we tell a ghost story?
Yeah.
Do you know any ghost stories?
I do, I do, I do.
Does it have a twist ending that scares me?
Yes it is, okay.
So sit back, relax.
What is this?
What is what?
A side-!
They gave us these jump suits.
Violet Chachki, move over!
Move over Violet Chachki!
What is that even for?
It's so you can show them how you burlesque, mawma.
What is that?
A slide slit?
I don't know.
Is it for ventilation?
I don't know.
Or do you put your hands in here and it's warm?
That makes no sense.
This the warmest spot on your - your crotch is your warmest spot so maybe it's like crotch
holes so you can get warm on your body.
I think it is.
Who are you wearing?
I'm wearing real fur loaned to me by Willam Joanne Elizabeth Willamson.
Let the comments reflect your barbarism.
I let the comments flow, I let the chips fall where they may cause guess what she's too rigged wigged
and fully gigged to pay attention to those comments.
I am fully booked. Booked rigged and wigged.
So you borrowed it from Willam's collection right?
So there's a lot of misconceptions flying around the dragosphere about Miss Willam Belli,
but I'll tell you something.
That woman is generous, loyal...
The most generous...
Generosity, loyalty, comradery.
Earth angel.
Absolutely earth angel.
You hear stories all the time but she's just like that.
She's that girl.
I knew you were that girl.
I knew you were that girl.
Let me finish.
Ya switched it up.
You didn't let me finish.
You flipped the script.
Oh my God.
This is scary.
You can't see anything.
Nothing.
We are in a black box.
Is this what dying is like?
Is this what dying is like?
Britney Spears Blackout.
I just want more.
We're in a black box.
Do you know that band, Black Box?
I know Hot Box by Laganja.
Hot Box, when I'm at the party.
Hot Box, when I'm on the stove top.
I want to fall in love.
Can we be serious for a moment?
Yeah, let's go there.
This is legitimately terrifying.
I'm so glad we're doing this because it takes my mind out of whatever this is.
I'm thinking the footage will unearth...
Archaelogical excavation 3000 years in the future.
The alien race will be like... boop.
The connection's back. The most beautiful women on earth in a black box.
With no eyebrows, well I don't have any.
I look like a hill person.
I think it's great that you work smarter not harder.
So welcome back.
Your makeup is simplified.
You get in drag really quick.
Yeah I love it a lot.
I always feel myself.
And you are a woman.
It's just like putting on a mask.
Why does my mask take f***ing three hours to get on?
I don't know.
It's wrong.
I'm doing drag incorrectly.
I have to be in a space where I can pull off a ... not shower and change and everything
... but I have to be able to pull off a face that I'm comfortable with in 45 minutes.
And that is obviously going to be a very simple face.
But I'm not comfortable with your face.
Now, getting a face that the audience is comfortable with is another story, mawma.
That's good.
If one person in the room is gonna be comfortable it might as well be you, you fat d*ke.
I have gotten in the habit of saying "fat d*ke".
Listen, it is not a read on anybody.
I love fat people.
I love d*kes.
Is it offensive?
I don't know.
It's unintentionally, manipulatively offensive because I want to be friends
with fat d*kes.
I lament the divide between f*gs and d*kes in the gay "community".
Are you adding to the solution by calling everyone a fat d*ke?
My name is Barbara and I'm a fat d*ke!
If that's not, like, catnip to the d*ke community, like a siren song...
She's flaky and shaky and she's addicted to meth!
She's extremely flaky, she's moderately shaky, she's got the...alcoholic behavior.
Whoever's not present in the tour, if Jinkx isn't there, I just start screamin' and singin'.
It's a coven.
It's a coven, Barbara.
And it's cool because it's actually how a real-life coven would work.
There's a little bit of competition, there's way more camaraderie than competition.
There's a significant identity, a role that each person has and kind of can wiggle, adjust,
depending on who's in the room.
Nobody is always the loudmouth.
Nobody is always the know-it-all...
Nobody's always the smart ass.
She's the drop down dead drunk who always manages to stay up for some reason.
She came up after her show in D.C., she did like a special appearance at my show after...
I was in town.
That bitch was like, she was at the brink of alcohol poisoning and she was standing
up, not falling down, and clean, concise and consistent on the microphone.
You can't come for her.
She could be stage 4 lymphoma with 14 bottles of tequila in her system and would confidently
host a show.
My arm's getting tired with the light.
A sleepy town, a starry night.
Two lonely drag stars making their way down the mountain.
No, this is a true story.
So this guy met this other guy on Grindr.
He was looking for love so he went on Grindr.
They went on this date.
So they were in the car.
They went to a drive-in movie and a drive-thru.
It was like a car date.
Cause, that's a long commitment, it's like five hours.
So they're in the car, and then these... where the view's really beautiful?
We can like, just see the sunset.
Not the sunset, 'cause they already... so it had to be really late.
So not the sunset.
The stars are very beautiful.
So they went up there.
And when they were in the car, they kept hearing...They kept hearing this noise.
And then on the radio they said, "This is a special bulletin."
Because they do that in real life.
It was a special bulletin saying an insane asylum had been broken out of - the security system.
Murderous killer on the loose.
And when the opened the car door, there was a hook hanging on the door.
A hook Barbara?
This is my ghost story!
A standard ghost story.
It's a standard ghost story.
Is that it?
That's it.
They didn't get killed.
And then they got married and - The hook was really Showtime at the Apollo... yanked off
stage but into a great marriage.
They said, "We are bonded forever by this".
Five years into the marriage, he revealed to him that it was just a stunt that he was
pulling to make them get together.
He hired Jerry from down the street to get the hook from the costume shop.
It was just a plastic hook with a little ebony handle.
Oh God!
I look like I'm dying of cancer.
Please make welcome to the stage, meet and greet your contestant #72, Dying of Cancer.
Please welcome to the Stage 4 Lymphoma.
Terrible.
It only works if they introduce you.
Welcome to the stage 4 Lymphoma.
If her name is 4 Lymphoma, so if they say "Give it up for 4 Lymphoma" it doesn't work.
She can never get called back to stage.
She could never win anything.
She just has to do a number.
She can never win.
Oh God.
Alright that's ten minutes.
OK.
Signing off.
Logo Snow Days and Nights.
#snownights.
Snow days, slow nights.
You press the button, bitch.
Thank you for letting me on your show.
Thank you for coming on my show.
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